"Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me."

"Get off my lawn!"

"I blow a hole in your face and then I go in the house... and I sleep like a baby. You can count on that. We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in Korea... use you for sandbags."

"I think you're an overeducated 27-year-old virgin who likes to hold the hands of superstitious old ladies and promise them everlasting life."

"Take these three items: some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone."

"You want to know what it's like to kill a man? Well, it's goddamn awful, that's what it is. The only thing worse is getting a medal for killing some poor kid that wanted to just give up."

"Not a day goes by that I don't think about it, and you don't want that on your soul."

"I'm proud to say that you're my friend. But you've got your whole life ahead of you. But me, I finish things. That's what I do."

"Get me another beer, Dragon Lady. This one's empty."

"I'm not a good man."

"What's the matter with you? You trying to get yourself killed? I thought you Asian girls were supposed to be smart."

"You mean 'Hmong?' No no, it's not 'Humong,' it's 'Hmong.'"

"Whatever."

"You should quit. Those things are bad for you."

"Yeah? So's being in a gang dipshit."

"I don't care about him."

"You hang out with him, you teach him to fix things, you saved him from that fucked cousin of ours."

"Watch your language, lady."

"And you're a better man to him than our own father was. You're a good man."

"Relax, zipperhead. I'm not gonna shoot you."

"I knew you were a dipshit the first time I ever saw you, but I never thought you were worse with women than you are at stealing cars... Toad."

"It's not Toad, it's Thao. My name is Thao."

"You're wrong, eggroll, I know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I may not be the most pleasant person to be around, but I got the best woman who was ever on this planet to marry me. I worked at it. It was the best thing ever happened to me, hands down."

"You're letting Click-Clack, Ding-Dong and Charlie Chan just walk out with miss 'what's her face.' She likes you, you know? Though I don't know why."

"Yum Yum. You know, the girl in the purple sweater. She's been looking at you all day, stupid!"

"You mean Youa?"

"Yeah... Yum Yum... yeah... nice girl... nice girl, very charming girl..."

"But you, you just let her walk out right out with the Three Stooges. And you know why? 'Cause you're a big fat pussy."

"Good day, pusscake."

"There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn't wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch."

"Yeah. I'm surprised you're still around. I was always hoping you'd die off and they'd get someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing."

"Instead, you just keep hanging around like the doo-wop dago you are."

"That'll be ten bucks, Walt."

"Ten bucks? Jesus Christ. What are you, half Jew or somethin'? You keep raising the prices all the time."

"It's been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed, Polack son of a bitch."

"Yeah, well keep the change."

"See you in three weeks, prick."

"Not if I see you first, dipshit."

"Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, 'Get the fuck out of here.'"

"What can I do for you Walt?"

"I'm here for confession."

"Holy Jesus, what did you do?"

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"Well you know, I prayed for them to come but nobody answered."

"Are you fucking crazy? Go back in the house."

"Alright, here's the deal: You stay away from Thao, understand? You tell your friends to stay away from Thao. And if they don't listen to you, you tell 'em you don't wanna see them anymore. That's it. Got it?"

"I'll take that as a yes, 'cause if I have to come back here, it's gonna get fucking ugly."

"Now you just gotta learn how guys talk. You just listen to the way Martin and I banter it back and forth."

"Perfect! A Polak and AND a Chink!"

"How ya doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?"

"Walts! You cheap bastard! I should have known you'd come in, I was having such a pleasant day!"

"Who's the Nip?"

"Ohh... He's a pussy kid from next door. I'm trying to man him up a little bit..."

"You see kid, now that's how guys talk to one another."

"They do?"

"What, you got shit on your ribs?"

"Now you go out and come back in and talk to him like a man, like a REAL man."

"Sorry about this."

"What's up ya old Italian prick?"

"Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!"

"Jezus Christ, Holy Shit! Hehe. Take it easy, take it easy!"

"What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?"

"But that's what you said. That's what you said men say."

"You don't just come in and insult the man in his own shop! You just don't do that."

"What happens if you meet some stranger? You get the wrong one, he's gonna blow your gook head right off!"

"What should I have said then?"

"Well... why don't you start with... eeehm... Hi or Hello..."

"Yeah, just come in and say... eeeehm... Sir, I'd like a haircut if you have the time."

"Yeah, be polite, but don't kiss ass."

"In fact you could talk about a construction job you just came from and bitch about your girlfriend and your car."

"Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and those son of bitches really nailed me, I mean they screwed me right in the ass!"

"Yeah, don't swear AT the guy, just talk about people who are not in the room..."

"In 1952, we were sent up to take out a Chinese machine gun nest. It shredded us up pretty good. I was the only one who came back that day."

"Not long after, they gave me a silver star... Here, I want you to have it."

"Why?"

"Well, because we all knew the dangers that night, but we went in anyway. That's the way it might be tonight. There's always a chance you don't come back."

"The hell we won't. We gonna roll up there and test the mags."

"Yeah, that's foolish. That's the exact reaction they're waiting for."

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many men did you kill in Korea?"

"Thirteen, maybe more."

"What was it like to kill a man?"

"You don't wanna know. Now close it up."

"Relax. You can't get out of there."

"You let me out right now. You fucking let me out or I'll fucking kill you!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"There's not a day goes by that I don't think about it."

"I'm soiled. That's why I'm going it alone tonight."

"Walt! You take me with you right now! Let me out!"

"Look, you've come a long way. And I'm proud to say that you're my friend."

"But you've got your whole life ahead of you."

"No! Wait! Walt! WALT! WALT! WALT!"

"There's a ton of food."

"Yeah, well just keep your hands off my dog."

"No worries, we only eat cats."

"And I'd like to leave my 1972 Gran Torino to... my friend... Thao Vang Lor."

"On the condition that you don't chop-top the roof like one of those beaners, don't paint any idiotic flames on it like some white trash hillbilly, and don't put a big, gay spoiler on the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads' cars. It just looks like hell."

"If you can refrain from doing any of that... it's yours."